5 years.

I've been zoning out a bit now and then today, and seeing visions of 5 years ago.

At around this time then, I was wheeling Mummy around the garden grounds of Ang Mo Kio Community Hospital.

We went to the gates, and looked out.

I distinctly remember telling her, that she will soon be better, and that she will be going home with me.

The next day, she did go home. Though not quite in the manner I expected.

I remember that I dropped my mobile phone when I heard the news.

I remember the cab journey to the hospital.

I remember crying through the cab journey.

I remember crying at her bed.

I remember thinking how at peace she looked.

I remember not being to wake her up.

If I let myself zone out enough, I feel that I am almost back to the past. A past I sometimes desperately want to claw back.

Once, I felt a little abandoned and lost. Though I did manage to hide my inner feelings well.

Now, I still feel sad.

And as visions of the past appear to me tonight and tomorrow, as they have always done for the past few years, I will probably be down.

Not down enough to be depressed.

More ... 'recessed'. :p

A hand to hold and to pull me through would be nice.

A song.

Some quiet company.

Hugs.

A shoulder to cry on.

I'm capable of surviving this on my own.

But it would still be nice.