Mammon Inc. II

Some paragraphs that I like from H H Tan's Mammon Inc.:

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"... I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, like I can't connect. Like I'm a three-pin plug in a two-pin world. I want to feel loved by something bigger than myself, to not always feel so alone and abandoned."

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Mind the Gap.

The train left and I stared at the dark gap above the tracks.

Sometimes it feels like the East is one mountain, and the West another, and I'm falling in the valley between both, spiralling in the gap between both bodies. I'm trapped in limbo, in the black hole between Heaven and Hell.

Mind the Gap.

Another train pulled in. Who was I kidding? If I crossed the line, it wouldn't make that much difference. I was born in the gap and would always stay there. I had always felt as lost and disconnected as the voice that floated above me. In a way, drifting between here and there, I was the gap.

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I was about to defend myself when Steve turned his eys to me and said, 'You abuse us so much.' My sister has the same look in her eyes. That shut me up because I had never seen so much affection as I saw in those different eyes, love in blue and brown. I guess that was what true love was, someone who knew you in all your depravity, and still loved you in spite of it, and in a weird masochistic way, because of it. What other people might find disgusting or annoying about me, they found attractive in a joky anecdotal way. Though they complained about these things, deep down, they found them endearing, or they wouldn't have put up with me all these years.

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"I warned you last time, you read too many books, strain your brain, make you stupid. You think just because you read ang mo books, then people will think you're ang mo? What you do is not important. Only what you look like. You're like banana. Outside you're yellow, so when people see you, they only see yellow. Inside you can be really white, but people will still treat you like you're yellow."