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It's been nearly 4 years since I last logged on here. Forgot both the username and password. Everything seems so distant. I feel so old.

Get a Grip

I gave up on the crab buffet, because the claws were hard to grip and slipped away.

What if it isn't the grip, but the fit.

Close Open

Do you sometimes feel like ...
You just wanna close your eyes?

To rest
One's tired eyes.

To shut out
The feeling of being inept, inadequate,
Incredibly deficient.

To hide
From people around.

To pretend
To be somewhere else.

To calm down
And focus.

To clear one's mind
From all the clutter.

To will
Oneself to buck up.

To challenge
Oneself to pick up the pieces.

To get ready

To face the world again
With eyes wide open.

Truth in Colours

"I like the colour
Of the eyes I was born with
But I love the colour
I can choose."

An advert at a bus-stop,
And I couldn't feel more uncomfortable.

For to me, the eyes are the truth.
Look into them, and you look into the heart, the soul,
The emotions at the very core of one's being,

I thought the eyes can tell no lies.
So if one cheats another on the colour of his eyes,
Truth and honesty and open hearts
Can only be too far away.

Farewell to the Green; Stepping into the Pink

When I got my Pink card back last Friday, I felt a sense of relief. Finally, I've served out the 2 1/3 years, over a span of nearly 7 years!

But along with this relief were a bout of reluctance and nervousness.

Part of me didn't really want to leave.

I have developed close friendships over the past 2 years, and at the age of 25, I have had my share of farewells and know quite well that friends tend to fade away from our lives as our life pathways inevitably diverge and we all lead different lives. I'll certainly miss the times, good and bad, busy and bored, with everyone. I'll always remember how we met, the conversations we've had, the random things we've done together, the laughter that we've shared, the bitching that we've partaken in together ...

Hope we'll always keep in touch!

I guess, perhaps strangely, I'll miss aspects of the Green life too, especially when the Pink life proves to be unexpectedly challenging.

I'm beginning to think that the uniform's a bl^rdy good idea, especially when I can't find shirts and pants my size. Not that it's a difficult problem to resolve ... my void deck tailor is not too bad, thank goodness, and I'm hoping to tailor more shirts in Saigon tomorrow :p!

I've also decided that I need a proper scent, one that's suitable for work. A scent that would lend me a bit of badly needed gravitas (I don't exactly inspire confidence in people I meet, I feel) but is still frivolous and playful, to reflect the person that I am inside. No need to agonise over fragrances while Green ... not when passing cadets stink of sweat :p.

I'll miss the Green ways of doing things too. Not because of the ... efficiency. But because that's what has become familiar to me. Familiarity may breed contempt, but also comfort. I know who to go to for what. I know the procedures. I know the constraints.

In the Pink world, I know nothing and have to start from scratch. I welcome the challenge, it makes life interesting. But I can't help being nervous about it. Or being paranoid and imagining that I'll be walking into the lions' den!

It's going to be one step at a time. For a lark, maybe an occasional leap or a skip.

I've always been the boy who cries on the first day to school, every year! I can't help but wish for someone to hold my hand.

Anyone? :p