dndcdbdt

Yar, I think dndcdbdt can be a very good policy.

The result then would be nhnonand.

That is ... not hurt, not offended, not angry, not disappointed.

Congratulations

Richard and Chris are getting partnered. wheeee! Congratulations!

And this is the glittery heart that Jonny has made for them.



I LOVE it.

But, no, Jonny has never made me one of those.

And so, I am slightly envious.

And maybe slightly relieved too. :p

Snow

I want snow!

Yummy challenge up ahead

Posting soon.

Will call next week to fix the date of the next interview.

If I wasn't hallucinating and if I didn't heard wrongly, the suggested posting sounds interestingly challenging.

Whoooppeeee!!

:)

Ah well.

I better dampen my optimism a bit.

I'm never that lucky.

Let's see, huh? :)

................................

Update:

There prolly has been a miscommunication.

*sighz*

Oh gawd. I am SO paranoid.

But then one would be paranoid right?

If one has to go to that-place-which-cannot-be-found AGAIN, to do that-thing-that-shouldn't-researched-upon.

Bah!

Do they think my gaiety is a lie?

Do you get less wet if you run in the rain?

Yesterday rain and rain and rain.

Lucky went to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve in the morning. No rain then.

Anywayz, so if you run in the rain, do you get less wet?

Nick Allen, a Master of Science in astrophysics and a fellow of the Royal Astronomical Society, answers.

如果.....爱

每个人都想明白
谁是自己生命不该错过的真爱
特别在午夜醒来更是会感慨
心动埋怨还有不能释怀
都是因为你触碰了爱
如果这就是爱
再转身就该勇敢留下来
就算受伤就算流泪
都是生命里温柔灌溉
哦爱在回忆里总是那么明白
困惑的心流过的泪
还有数不清黑夜等待
如果这就是爱
如果你当时明白
后来的生命里是快乐还是悲哀
特别在夜深人静时想起未来
是否能平静不会想现在
只是因为你拥有了爱
如果这就是爱
再转身就该勇敢留下来
就算受伤
就算流泪
都是生命里温柔灌溉
哦爱在回忆里总是那么明白
困惑的心
流过的泪
还有数不清黑夜等待
如果这就是爱
如果这就是爱

A Christian perspective

Okay. This is prolly a rather liberal Christian perspective.

Rev Yap, the first Asian Bishop of the Methodist Church shares his beliefs and journey in affirming gay Christians in a two part interview: first part and second part.

Selections from his talk:

"Legend suggests to us about the birth of the Christ Child in a lowly manger. He was marginalised there, yet there were those who accepted him. Three Wise Men travelled from afar to the place where he was and brought gifts. Simple shepherds left their flock by night and came to adore him.

For gay people you have, and continue to experience rejection and marginalisation and you find security in your manger. The Jesus whose birth is being celebrated knows your condition and shares your anxiety. He did not remain in Bethlehem. He came out into the world to face the opposition and made the difference in the lives of people."

"When the Bible condemns the “homosexuality” of the Greco-Roman society, it was condemning all forms of ancient pederasty, not modern homosexuality. We would be violating the historical context of these texts if we failed to account with the truth that homosexuality in our historical context is different from that which occurred in the Greco-Roman world. Homosexuality today may be a sin in the eyes of some, but you cannot prove it by referring to biblical texts that are condemning pederasty and not homosexuality."

"Those of you who are Christian claim that the churches teaching same-sex attraction is based on the Bible. So they lift up and quote certain chapters and verses from the Bible associated with this issue and regard them as divine truth revealed by God. The Bible is a difficult book written by inspired men and women of faith believing that it was revealed to them. At one time they even claim that it was dictated by God and they just recorded it. Soon it was realised that it was not dictation but interpretation of what they believed to be God’s revelation."

"The interpretations of the Bible from the outset reflected also the historical and cultural situations which prevailed then and continue to do so in the work of those who study the Bible today. Our first task is to try to understand what is meant when it was written and how it relates to us in our contemporary setting."

"The Greek and Roman culture influenced those who wrote the New Testament and coloured their reactions to pagan temple prostitution and sexual acts.

Let us look at 1 Corinthians 6:9. The two Greek words malakoi and arsenokoitai have been translated differently at different times in different versions of the Bible in English. The King James Version in 1611 regarded them to mean those who are effeminate and abusers of themselves with mankind, which was close to the Greek meaning.

The original Revised Standard Version (the New Testament first appeared in 1946) was the first translation ever to use the word "homosexual.” It translated the two words to mean homosexuals or sexual perverts. Then in 1978 the New International Version translated them as male prostitutes and homosexual offenders. It was the New Revised Version in 1989 which renders them as male prostitutes and sodomites. It must be noted that the word homosexual was not used in the earlier period. It was in 1180 that the word sodomy was first used. There is no such word as "sodomite" in the original languages (Ezekiel 16:49-50 describes the sin of Sodom as pride, gluttony, not caring for the poor and needy).

Roman culture which expected people to engage in sex with both men and women. The majority of people, then as now, had a heterosexual orientation. Thus, to participate in same-sex behaviour, and to meet society's expectations, they would have had to disregard their sexual orientation. They would have gone beyond their own nature. "The resulting activity was "unseemly" and an "error" only because the men were heterosexual by orientation. Again, it was their attempt to violate their own nature, that is, their attempt to alter the orientation God created them with, that Paul was addressing... The bottom line is, God created each of us with a sexual orientation. To attempt to change it is, in effect, telling God that He created us wrong. The creation (us) does not have the right to "re-create" itself."

"The situation to the ancient Romans is similar to the situation that homosexuals find themselves in today: society expects them to be heterosexual, and to engage in sexual activity with persons of the opposite gender -- even to marry. And so, many gays and lesbians go against their nature and try to pretend to be heterosexual.

The NGPA also notes that Paul referred to this as an "error”: a mistake, not a sin."

"All the religious, historical, social and cultural factors must be taken into account into reading and interpreting specifically the few Biblical texts regarded to be related to the issue of same-sex attraction. Just to quote the words of the Bible without looking at the context and the traditions related to them is just not enough and irresponsible."

"Today there is also increasing acceptance of sex as described by James Nelson: God’s primary purpose in creating us as sexual beings is not that of procreation, but rather to give us the desire and capacity to love and to bond with others in intimacy. Thus, theology has given new attention to the insight that sexuality is crucial to God’s design that creatures do not dwell in isolation and loneliness but in communion and community.

God’s fundamental purpose in creating us as sexual beings was not that we might make babies, but that we might make love. I believe as sexual beings we are concerned with love, intimacy, mutuality, sexuality. Sexual intercourse is exploitative when it is not mutually satisfying or an expression of intimacy and love for one another.

John Boswell in his historical studies revealed that the Early Church did not generally oppose homosexual behaviour as such. The opposition that arose during the third to sixth centuries was due to the demise of urban culture, government regulation on personal morality and church pressures toward asceticism. Hostility appeared only in the late twelfth century.

Marriage was not celebrated by Christian wedding services in church worship until perhaps the ninth century. It was considered as a civil order and not a religious rite or church ceremony before that.

Today, I regard mutuality, intimacy, life-long committed relationships, and sexual pleasure as important values for marital relationships for heterosexuals as well as homosexuals."

Merry Chrimbo

This arrived by text today ... :p

For a lovely Christmas story with a Buddhist slant by Drilbu, click here: A Christmas Tale.

Dreamz and dream on.

I had a strange dream this morning.

I dreamt of waking up. And then the alarm clock rang. And of course I really woke up.

I had another dream a couple of nights ago.

I dreamt I went to London for something or other. A short trip it was. While in London, I met up with Jonny and his boy, and they were happily together. For which, I was happy. No surprise there, I love seeing couples together.

The surprise was this. Someone I was quite fond of, a friend really, flew into London a few days after me. Impromptu decision. Just because he missed me and was worried about me: what happens if and when I meet Jonny. Why surprised: I had no idea that he was even vaguely interested in me.

Of course, as dreams go, this will probably never happen.

I don't have the luck, the good fortune or karma.

Maybe I will sing at karaoke.

Yah, dream on. :p

Wanna watch movie?

For every person who has tried or will try to get me to watch Passion of Christ, Fahrenhait 9/11 or Narnia with them for their messages, I wanna jio one person to go watch this with me.

Yes, it is that 'gay cowboy movie'.

I'm assuming of course that Brokeback Mountain will pass the censors and will be shown in Singapore.

I'm also assuming that people who demand that I should be open-minded with regards to particular personal matters would also be open-minded enough to go watch this movie with me.

It's not just a movie with two guys as its leading actors. It's also a movie about love. And as a reviewer said, 'Love doesn't ask to happen. Love doesn't choose color, gender, appearances, etc. Love just happens.'

I've read the short story by Annie Proulx. I've never really liked her style of writing. But I still liked it, and especially this line: "If you can't fix it you've got to stand it.", because it is so true in so many aspects of our life. Of course, I would probably tend to be predisposed in liking Brokeback Mountain. I willingly admit this bias.

For the trailer and reviews, go to the movie website. For a brilliant commentary, please see the impressive Yawning Bread.

The Great Singapore Novel

Over at Illusio, akikonomu asks:

"In your opinion, what should the Great Singaporean Novel be about?

Some answers from offline people so far:

Protagonist(s) contemplating emigration
A taxi driver (perhaps contemplating emigration... to Perth?)
Compilation of Xiaxue's online posts
A researcher/scholar finding out some discrepencies between official history and actual history (Major whoopass and conspiracy follows??)
The rise and fall of civilization with 3 generations, a story of transition and transience.

What is your opinion? Consider this an open thread, or post the reply on your site, or ask other people you know!"

So ... aspiring novelists out there, what do you think?

Stag parties

I suppose one can only have a joint stag party with one's partner if one and one's partner are both hubbies.

Here are some pictures of Elton John and David Furnish's.

I wanna go for a particular party on the 7th of Jan, at the Edge off Soho Square. Am not quite sure whether it is a joint stag party or a post-nuptial thingey. Which is it, gege?

Alas, circumstances are such that I will be thousands of miles away. :(

Transformations

I like the Diva on a Dime programme that is so frequently screened on Singaporean buses. After a haircut, makeup and the purchase of some cut-price clothing, the subject of the show somehow makes a rather nice and stunning transformation. I like this show for how it entertains me and also for the slight campness of the cute host.

However, I'm not entirely certain whether I would like such a transformation for myself.

A friend who challenges me in ways that makes me quite stressed (but stressed in a good way :)) has quite strongly suggested that I should consider amongst other things contacts, and more and better groomed hair. Now, the longer and better groomed hair thing is hardly a new suggestion, as my classmates from school will probably attest to. I have had this 'hairstyle' since the age of 13 and people keep telling me: GROW MORE HAIR!

Such a transformation, according to this good friend, has to be managed. Not too obvious. One has to appear to look a bit of effort into one's appearance. Even if one really doesn't put in any effort at all. Or if one actually puts in a tremendous amount of effort.

I do agree that it's good to show that one cares about one's appearance. For starters, it tends to suggest a sense of pride in oneself, and a certain level of good self-esteem. It can show that one is happy with oneself, and therefore desirable company for others.

I guess I was little hurt by probably harmless little things I shouldn't have read between the lines.

That I warranted such a strong suggestion for a makeover could mean that this friend felt that I put in NO effort into my appearance. Given my track record for misreading things between the lines, I guess this was never intended by my pal.

If I am more short-tempered, I could possibly be slightly more than irritated by the subsequent questioning of identity and sexuality. But hey, it's not the first time someone has done that in jest, and a deep breath is sufficient to sooth away any slight pain.

I am thankful though that this friend cared to make this suggestion. Thanks very much, and please do keep challenging me. I appreciate it. :)

hmm. The contacts and the hair? I will keep thinking about it.

But I will definitely need some hand-holding to carry them out.

And shoving foreign objects into my eye ... ARGH :p

Miao

Just found this quote from Alice in Wonderland on iN wOnDeRLaNd... wE'rE aLL MaD... :

"Would you tell me please which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't care where--" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

It's very tempting to go off on too much of an introspective spin interrogating the sense and sensibility of the Cat's words. I guess I will refrain from such indulgence, at least for now.

But I feel that 'ought' suggests that there is a true and correct way, and I am uncomfortable with that.

I don't know where I want to go.

But I guess I care about where I want to go.

So ... does it matter which way I go?

Story-telling

It's probably a sign of age, when someone asks me for a story ...

And I actually have a story of my own to tell.

I was telling the story of a naive and paranoid boy on his first date.

It's probably also a sign of ineptness when I cannot tell the story properly ...

And so I may need story-telling lessons.

Lines

Some lines are easy to say: My name is Wei. I am 23 years old.

Some lines are easier to spell out than to pronounce: Sylvester is a pusillanimous pussy cat. Je ne sais pas francais.

And some lines can usually only be written or said with some degree of discomfort or self-mockery: I studied at Raffles. I am a flaming poof.

Therefore, some things that I want to say gets left ... between the lines.

I know that the area between the lines is very unclear, difficult (and maybe hazardous) to interpret.

I have on several occasions interpreted stuff wrongly. Misread stuff. And broken my own heart.

And goodness knows how my hints between the lines get read.

Ok. I think I might not be making sense. So, this is enough for now.

But...

I think I need guts to be clearer.

I think I also need people to be blunt-er / more forward.

Ah well.

You are what you read ...

Obviously, reading Butler does not make me Butler.

Reading Einstein doesn't make him Einstein.

Reading Nora Brown does not make her Nora Brown.

But just like for eating (you are what you eat), what one reads is not just a reflection of one's likes and dislikes, but can also be a key influence and reinforcement of one's ideas, ideology and character.

I've just borrowed another set of books from the National Library. Amongst them is: Critical intellectuals on writing, which is edited by Olson and Worsham, and includes interviews of leading intellectuals including Judith Butler, Paulo Freire, Noah Chomsky and Jean-Francis Lyotard.

I love its opening chapter.

It starts off by attempting to delineate the difference between academic and intellectual writing:

"Simply stated, the distinction is this: academic work is inherently conservative inasmuch as it seeks, first to fulfill the relatively narrow and policed goals and interests of a given discipline or profession and second, to fulfill the increasingly corporatised mission of higher education; intellectual work, in contrast, is relentless critical, self-critical, and potentially revolutionary, for it aims to critique, change, and even destroy institutions, disciplines and professions that rationalise exploitation, inequality and injustice."

In this book, 27 thinkers discuss "whether they consider themselves to be writers, what their specific writing habits are, how writing relates to intellectual work and the politics of intellectual work".

I've only browsed through sections of the book, but I really really like Judith Butler's ideas.

For example, Butler is "fascinated by the connection between difficult language and the opening up of new ways of understanding the world" and is "very much seduced by the notion that some newness of the world (is) going to be opened up with messing with grammar as it has been received". Butler believes that the notion that intellectual scholarship should necessarily be transparent or clear would serve to shut down thought. However, she does believe that intellectuals should be able to "shift registers", "to work at various levels and to communicate in various ways to various audiences".

For Butler, being a critical intellectual means "constantly interrogating our assumptions, continually calling things into question, not necessarily to do away with what is being questioned but, rather, to discover, for example, how terms might assume new meanings in new contexts". Such a stance means learning to "live in the anxiety of that questioning without closing it down too closely". True critical thinking is "always to be accompanied by a certain unease"; "anxiety accompanies something like the witnessing of new possibilities".

Okay. I'm not going to claim to be a critical intellectual. Or even to be an intellectual of any sort (except maybe of the pseudo species).

But, I like to ask questions, not usually for clear cut answers but more commonly for stuff that I can further question. I like the idea of not knowing what is truth. I like being able to question not only the veracity of truths but also the existence of truth. I like knowing that I do not know.

This propensity to be critical, I guess, has come across sometimes as unforgiving.

When it comes to religion, it can also come across as close-minded and a refusal to accept 'truth'. Sighz, I am only trying to be open-minded. The discourse of religion is perhaps by nature closed. Ironically, an 'open-minded' acceptance of one particular religion may necessitate a close-mindedness of the various possibilities of other religions. As I have stated before, I am reluctant to close off these possibilities. If this means that I am spiritually unrooted and unanchored, then so be it.

That's enough of my rambling for now.

I'm going to have lunch, skim through this book, and watch Full House, and da bao Hokkien mee for dinner, and visit my granny at the nursing home today.

I might post more quotes from the book later.

Laterz. :)

Hangover-ed

Ok.

I think this is terrible.

I know I haven't drunk for quite some time.

But getting a hangover from a single glass of frozen margarita is a bit ... silly.

Gone are the days when I could drink a bottle of red, 2.5 pints of Guinness, or a whole glass of Wu Liang Ye with relative impunity.

Now ... I would be just a very cheap date.

Notification...

The formal notification arrived today in the post ...

Education and Development in Asia = B

Understanding Education Policy = A

Economics of Education Policy = A

Report on Economics of Education = A

Sociology of Education = A

The Economic Value of Education = A

....

MA (Distinction) Economics of Education

....

YIPPEE!

Identical ...

Okay.

I was on my way back to Clementi.

Taking the train, and finally got a seat at Tiong Bahru.

Sat down, and thought about stuff. Stuff including boys of course.

And then ...

I slipped out of daydreamland.

And realised that the two guys in front of me were both gazing at their mobiles.

That both of them had the same mobiles.

And the same spikey hairstyle.

And both were wearing sandals.

And tattered jeans.

And dark coloured shirts.

And slouched over in the same position.

And then ...

I realised that they were twins!

Goodness gracious. I've never seen two twins not only look identical, but also dress and behave similar before.

It's very sweet.

Paranoia

First I start thinking about volunteering at AFA.

Then I start thinking about what AFA does.

Then I think I should take another test.

Then I get paranoid.

*slaps my own face*

I've always been paranoid.

But this time, I think my rationality has gone out the window as well.

What on earth am I paranoid about??????

Transmission from pimple to pimple??????

From pimple to gum??????

I need some slapping.

Or some hugs.

Sighz.

C'est moi ...

... the boy who pesters and doesn't give enough space ...

... the boy who is the wedgie ...

... the boy doing an Orange advert ...

... the boy who realises that maybe romantic love really does only last a year ...

Think too much

I think I am thinking too much into why someone's phone seems to be switched off in the mornings.

But what if intuition is right?

....................

Intuition was quite off. And I definitely did think too much and imagine too much. Profuse apologies.

Learn and move on

I'm glad that the transition from other halves to best pals has been almost effortless. Had a nice long chat on the phone yesterday, full of laughs and reassurances and discoveries.

I still can't remember what Meryl Streep said, but it's something to the effect of 'learn and move on'.

We both have definitely learnt from each other.

And I'm glad he seems to be moving on, and meeting lads with whom there's the elusive spark.

For me, I think I'm gonna be a piece of damp wood for a while. Sparkless. Single, but unavailable really for another relationship. I'm too raw, too tired, too retrospective, too moody and too nostalgic at the moment.

Don't worry. I don't feel rejected, or spurned for a better model.

I don't feel needy or unwanted either. So it's highly unlikely that I'll have a terrible rebound.

I just feel a bit rootless. As though I have lost an anchor. A kite with a broken string.

A bit unbalanced. As though I'm a swing that has lost a half of myself.

Already, I can sense myself changing.

My taste in art and clothes will probably change, maybe a bit darker.

Not a bad thing really. I might need to be older.

Move on. That I will do.

But not necessarily in a bbr sense.

I will move on back onto forming interests. Consider volunteering. SPCA? Stamps? :p

I'm going to let go, for I must. Only then can I also grasp at something else.

I'm not going to mourn, but to celebrate.

P.S. Instead of a melancholic CD, as Lyraine suggested, I think I will hunt for chirpy ones.

Books

Have been thinking of compiling a list of books that I purchase, have purchased recently and not-so-recently. And here it is ...


A selection below:

Fiction
Woolf, Virginia. Mrs. Dalloway.



Non-Fiction
Herrnstein, RJ & Murray, C. The bell curve: intelligence and class structure in American life.

Levitt, SD & Dubner, SJ. Freakonomics: a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything.

Prime II

I wonder whether I was meant to watch Prime, and somehow mentally prepare myself for today.

We will always strive to remain in each other's life.

I dislike this ending. But I accept it.

And I appreciate it for being amicable, for being reasoned, for being realistic, and yet at the same time also for being hopeful.

I feel a bit like the David character in Prime.

The reasons for the ending, it should be relatively apparent to friends who read my blog.

Don't worry about me. I'm ok.

It hurts quite a bit for me to stop thinking of Jonny as my better half.

But thinking of Jonny as among the best of my pals for life will always make me smile.

And the memories... oh, the memories. :)

The memories will be harder for other boys to overcome, than any ruler I brandish to slap their wrists. :p

Prime

Meryl Streep was fantastic, Uma Thurman was great and Bryan Greenberg was so sweet.

A great movie with friends. :)

I accept the ending of the movie. I don't like it. I don't love it. But I guess I do appreciate the reality, the maturity and goodness of it.

I see certain parallels between the story in the movie and my own situation. In terms of the difficulties experienced.

I can't remember the exact advice Meryl Streep gave her son with respect to his relationship with Uma Thurman, but it seemed rather good for me too.

And intuition says that Prime's ending would be the same as for me.